


dream the future

by EKmisao



Category: Samurai 7 (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Monologue, how am i supposed to tag this story, minor spoiler warning, pre-major battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EKmisao/pseuds/EKmisao
Summary: Hello, it's 2020, and I found S7 is on Netflix a bit late, and I came from a marathon. I miss these awesome people.I'm that EK from ff.net who made stuff for this fandom back in the day. But I had feels in 2020, so this got made.Some of this may be minor/major spoiler if you haven't finished the series, but I hope you have.Thank you for reading.
Kudos: 5





	dream the future

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's 2020, and I found S7 is on Netflix a bit late, and I came from a marathon. I miss these awesome people. 
> 
> I'm that EK from ff.net who made stuff for this fandom back in the day. But I had feels in 2020, so this got made. 
> 
> Some of this may be minor/major spoiler if you haven't finished the series, but I hope you have. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

I needed to do a lot of things. I needed to focus on a lot of things. I have no time to sleep. I have no time to rest. Very soon the Nobuseri and their forces would be here. Very soon we would all have to fight against them, and I had to be ready for one of our biggest weapons against them. I had to focus, to concentrate. Nothing about this massive crossbow could go wrong. Nothing about our ballistas could go wrong. If this goes wrong, so many people will die and suffer. I will not have that on my conscience...again. 

Check and re-check calculations. Check and double-check calibrations. Compute and re-compute strength of materials, trajectory, velocity, torque, projectile speed, mass, accuracy. Ensure that there are no snags in the work. Ensure that all the ballistas are being made correctly according to the diagrams. Ensure that the crossbow is getting along exactly right. 

I had to stay busy. I had to keep my mind on the work. I will not fail these people, these people who trust in me, these people who believe in me. When I don't even believe in myself. 

"Heihachi-san! Go take a break, my friend! Go take a nap!" 

"Thanks, I'm good, Shichi-san!" I called back down from my perch. "The people are going at this in shifts, they've been getting the rest they need, thank you." 

Shichiroji frowned at me as he rubbed at the propeller ponytail. "But what about you? You're not Kikuchiyo!"

"Thanks, I'll be fine. Genmaicha, though?" 

"How many cups have you had? Go sleep, seriously." 

I....cannot. Not like this. Not after I have threatened to kill one of the farmers with my own sword, with my own hand. 

Because he was a traitor. As if I was not one myself. 

Everything and everyone disappeared that moment. Everything hyper-focused into just me, and that traitor. That traitor who needed to die. Like I needed to die. Then everything grew clear again, and I felt every eye on me, scared for the farmer, scared to see me raising a sword at someone they knew, scared to see me so ready to kill one of them. 

I had betrayed them, I had already betrayed them. 

"Heihachi-san? I insist," Shichiroji said again from below. 

"In a bit, I will," I promised, just to make him stop. 

"Alright, I'll tell Kanbei-dono you promised. I'll get your genmaicha." 

I chuckled and waved as Shichiroji moved on, checking on the work and on the farmers. 

I sat down from my perch at the crossbow, a good view of the night sky above and the busy farmers below. 

But I had no plans of sleeping. Not tonight. I knew perfectly how nights like this will go. 

If I dared close my eyes, I would see the faces of my friends, my comrades, my fellow soldiers, my fellow samurai. They would keep looking at me. Some of them would tell me, "What did you tell them, traitor?" Others will ask me, "Why did you sell us out? Did you know? Did you know what you were doing?" And a few others will say, "Why are you not dead yet?" 

I took off the cap for a moment and ran my fingers through my hair, hoping to make the voices in my head stop. Not right now, not right now. People right now are alive, who need to stay alive, and only I know some of the things that could save them from a life of servitude, at last. 

If Shichiroji did not stop me tonight, I would have really chopped off a man's head like it was a block of wood. Maybe his whole body, actually, a straight line from his skull, his torso, to his feet. Clean, straight, definite, final. Something that should have happened to me, long ago. I should have been caught. I should have been killed by now. Maybe I should have killed myself by now. And yet I am still here. 

The only way I managed to sleep all these years was being exhausted. Besides giving me my next meal, woodchopping gave my body work, made me exhausted enough to sleep dreamlessly into the night. Thankfully these new things to do also kept me very busy, thus got me nicely asleep. But sometimes the nightmares came, anyway. 

I rubbed my eyes. Formulas. Diagrams. Plans. Trajectories. Focus, focus. People who are alive right now need me, right now. 

Dammit, my eyes were closing on their own. I rubbed them again. Focus, dammit. People are going to die again, by your own hand again, if you don't focus. 

"Heihachi." 

That woke me up faster than anything. Kanbei-dono was here. I looked down and bowed to him. "Things are going well here, Kanbei-dono. I understand the ballistas are almost ready. This crossbow will soon be." 

"That is good to know. Go rest. A few hours. We need you at your best." 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kanbei-dono, but I really need to be here and see this to the end. It's okay. I can't sleep, anyway. Might as well be useful--" 

"Heihachi." 

"Sir?" 

"It is alright to dream, for yourself, my friend." 

"But...Kanbei-dono--" 

"You came with us, dreaming of a good future for these people. Yes?" 

I thought it over, as I glanced at the farmers moving here and there, all with urgency and purpose. Because it was their future, their good future. "Yes." 

"Forgive yourself, Heihachi." 

I snapped fully awake, and looked at him well. What did he know? What did he just guess at? How did he know? I...had not told any of them...about me. That even with all this awesome engineering and mechanic work they made me do that I would never replace for the whole world...I should not be with them. I should not really be one of them. 

Or maybe I am one of them because I want to prove myself...to myself. That, for once, I want to save people. To stand with people. Not betray them. 

"Forgive yourself, my friend, my comrade. And dream the future for you." 

I looked at him well, saw the depths of sadness and regret and pain that came with those words. That these words were not given lightly, never. I bowed. "I'll try, Kanbei-dono. I will try." 

Kanbei-dono smiled, as he bowed. No other words were needed. He walked on, eastward, toward the village proper. 

A part of me calmed. 

One of the farmers came up to me. "Sir, the ballista parts are almost done." 

"Cool, thanks. Sango?" 

"Yes, Heihachi-sama?" 

I bowed. "I'm...sorry. For tonight." 

But Sango bowed back. "We couldn't blame you at all. But thank you for sparing Manzo. Thank you for helping us this much. It will not be forgotten. Thank you." 

"But I...did nothing special..." 

Sango waved a hand around, at all the piles of wood and rock, at all of them moving here and there. "All of this, sir, this part, we definitely know is because of you. You did not fail us, sir. No matter what happens when they come, you did not fail us. Thank you, Heihachi-sama." 

I...my brain stopped. "Oh. You're welcome." 

Sango bowed. 

"Is it okay if I--" 

"Definitely, sir, go rest." Sango bowed again. 

"Thanks, I won't be gone long." 

Just an hour or two, just to calm my head. 

Because these people need me. I would not fail them, as I have failed others before. This time I would not fail these people around me, these people who accepted me and did not question who I was before. 

I will the dream the future. For them. For me.


End file.
